Do you ever wonder, why?

Are you anything like me? Do you ever wonder why? Like why I'm the way I am? I know my Dad struggled with so many things, I've often wrote about his "checking-out" in my life...I've grown over my years to understand a little to the "why" he could do such a thing, life is hard....and if you're not grounded in the Lord...well, I can't see how anyone could not check out! But yesterday, I was reminded again, in my behavior, by my bride, of another "why"....which in turn led me back to my father, and my wanting to ask him "why?" You see, I lack self confidence...terribly, oh I used to have it, perhaps tooooo much so, bordering on the cocky even, but over the last 4-5 years, I've literally had the self-confidence "sucked-outta-me" as my bride pointed out last evening....it was very difficult, to say the least, to sit there and listen to what my bride had to say.....started out in very much anger, and as I sat there, praying, praying that I not retaliate in my anger, and simply tried to talk thru what she so boldly brought to my attention....slowly we were able to talk thru this......yet talk is good, but now, what do I do with it? To be continued........................