Lack of Design by: Elyza A.

          To begin with I didn't know where to begin. I forced myself to write with a pen, so that mistakes could not be fixed, There is a person inside me that hates everyone and everything. I hate that person and shove her back to the darkest gloomiest places of my mind, to teach her a lesson. Why should I hate anyone when I am a powerless individual? In my head only people with villains or enemies in their life can properly hate. I guess I've found my beginning. Can you think of books or movies that don't have villains? If there is such a fish would you spend the whole time reading or watching, looking for the "bad guy"? Just a question. I ask lots of them. When I was little and learning my letters I'd carry around a pad of paper and mix around the few letters I knew on the pad. then I'd run to my Dad and ask if my creation was a word. Mostly he said no. Does that make him a villain? I don't think so. Honest fathers are treasures more than pretend words. Words, its funny how mysterious they are, especially when you're young. Curse and slang words were always windows into the grown up world. Finding out the meanings was not as easy as finding the words themselves. And usually explanations were just as confusing. another memory for my father and words was during middle school. A certain phrase passed around like a shiny toy, everyone pretending what it was. Maybe some knew, I didn't and couldn't ask. Ignorance wasn't bliss in middle school. On a trip home alone with Dad, I asked him what this mystery word meant. I knew it would be interesting by how quiet and red he got. Demanding to know where I heard my word, I simply replied,...school. No doubt he was cursing the public school system in his head. But my honest father told me. I regretted asking almost immediately after he told me, maybe sooner. It was a stupid word anyway and still confusing. At least I wouldn't feel dumb at school now. Maybe being a little dumb would've been better. It wasn't "hip" but ignorance didn't embarrass my father. Maybe it’s the words themselves that are the villains. We could go through life with grunts and hand gestures. Wouldn't that be more simple? Did we become greedy along the way? Demanding to voice our opinions and make words that shouldn't have been invented. It was words that created hate and enemies in the first place. But they also created love and family. Was this a trick to get us to value one more that the other? Told you I liked questions. Have you ever wished to take back words you had said? I imagine the process would be painful and disgusting to watch. Words are treacherous little creatures not prone to loyalty. They love to smack themselves against people you're talking to. And then like a spoiled child you have to apologize for them. because of course they won't do it themselves. I tried reading a large print book once. Someone told me that the extra thickness and more pages helped you feel more accomplished. I couldn't do it. All those large angry words each clammering for my attention gave me a headache. Which proves to me that words are selfish. They don't care about my pain they're just little "divas", each and everyone. Its amazing I've been able to read at all. My Dad's not a big reader , but he reads what’s important and I think of him as one of the smartest men I know. Has my father tamed the words then? By just ignoring their power does that lesson the villainous behavior? Or maybe acknowledging their power and sort of paying your dues. a person could go mad giving words life and personalities. In kindergarten we had a wedding for the letters Q and U, that in itself is a degree of power, giving letters genders. In this day and age how could we go to an alphabet wedding expecting their marriage to last? What made their chances any better than ours? Why should their love last when all around us marriages were falling apart? these were cases where words powers weren't acknowledged and they took revenge. To have and to hold until death do you part? Attack! Maybe we should burn stacks of notebook paper and number 2 pencils on the alter to words before weddings, to ensure that our words won't lie. Maybe someone should just care to say what they mean and mean what they say. Like some cheesy song. Billy Joel had it right when he sang a completely un-cheesy song with lyrics like..."Honesty is such a lonely word". If a word could be lonely...I think it would be honesty. Wouldn't you be if no one wanted to hear you? My father is an honest man and I always want to listen to him. So I think maybe he defeated the words. And maybe someday I will too...