Do you ever wonder, why?

Are you anything like me? Do you ever wonder why? Like why I'm the way I am? I know my Dad struggled with so many things, I've often wrote about his "checking-out" in my life...I've grown over my years to understand a little to the "why" he could do such a thing, life is hard....and if you're not grounded in the Lord...well, I can't see how anyone could not check out! But yesterday, I was reminded again, in my behavior, by my bride, of another "why"....which in turn led me back to my father, and my wanting to ask him "why?" You see, I lack self confidence...terribly, oh I used to have it, perhaps tooooo much so, bordering on the cocky even, but over the last 4-5 years, I've literally had the self-confidence "sucked-outta-me" as my bride pointed out last evening....it was very difficult, to say the least, to sit there and listen to what my bride had to say.....started out in very much anger, and as I sat there, praying, praying that I not retaliate in my anger, and simply tried to talk thru what she so boldly brought to my attention....slowly we were able to talk thru this......yet talk is good, but now, what do I do with it? To be continued........................

Give me this kind of Confidence

"I long for this confidence" 2 Chron. 32:7-8 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the LORD our God to help us and to fight our battles." As a child of God, we need never be fearful or terrified of the enemy. Never! "O Lord, keep me ever aware of Your presence with me!"
Oh how I need to realize that, "If God be for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)
There is always more for us and with us than is with the enemy. "Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world" (I John 4:4). "Thank You Lord for Your Words, Your Promises...Only Your Words and Your Promises are True...You Alone are the only True-Truth...Even when my enemy is myself, as is often the case...Help me to Trust in only You!"

Lack of Design by: Elyza A.

          To begin with I didn't know where to begin. I forced myself to write with a pen, so that mistakes could not be fixed, There is a person inside me that hates everyone and everything. I hate that person and shove her back to the darkest gloomiest places of my mind, to teach her a lesson. Why should I hate anyone when I am a powerless individual? In my head only people with villains or enemies in their life can properly hate. I guess I've found my beginning. Can you think of books or movies that don't have villains? If there is such a fish would you spend the whole time reading or watching, looking for the "bad guy"? Just a question. I ask lots of them. When I was little and learning my letters I'd carry around a pad of paper and mix around the few letters I knew on the pad. then I'd run to my Dad and ask if my creation was a word. Mostly he said no. Does that make him a villain? I don't think so. Honest fathers are treasures more than pretend words. Words, its funny how mysterious they are, especially when you're young. Curse and slang words were always windows into the grown up world. Finding out the meanings was not as easy as finding the words themselves. And usually explanations were just as confusing. another memory for my father and words was during middle school. A certain phrase passed around like a shiny toy, everyone pretending what it was. Maybe some knew, I didn't and couldn't ask. Ignorance wasn't bliss in middle school. On a trip home alone with Dad, I asked him what this mystery word meant. I knew it would be interesting by how quiet and red he got. Demanding to know where I heard my word, I simply replied,...school. No doubt he was cursing the public school system in his head. But my honest father told me. I regretted asking almost immediately after he told me, maybe sooner. It was a stupid word anyway and still confusing. At least I wouldn't feel dumb at school now. Maybe being a little dumb would've been better. It wasn't "hip" but ignorance didn't embarrass my father. Maybe it’s the words themselves that are the villains. We could go through life with grunts and hand gestures. Wouldn't that be more simple? Did we become greedy along the way? Demanding to voice our opinions and make words that shouldn't have been invented. It was words that created hate and enemies in the first place. But they also created love and family. Was this a trick to get us to value one more that the other? Told you I liked questions. Have you ever wished to take back words you had said? I imagine the process would be painful and disgusting to watch. Words are treacherous little creatures not prone to loyalty. They love to smack themselves against people you're talking to. And then like a spoiled child you have to apologize for them. because of course they won't do it themselves. I tried reading a large print book once. Someone told me that the extra thickness and more pages helped you feel more accomplished. I couldn't do it. All those large angry words each clammering for my attention gave me a headache. Which proves to me that words are selfish. They don't care about my pain they're just little "divas", each and everyone. Its amazing I've been able to read at all. My Dad's not a big reader , but he reads what’s important and I think of him as one of the smartest men I know. Has my father tamed the words then? By just ignoring their power does that lesson the villainous behavior? Or maybe acknowledging their power and sort of paying your dues. a person could go mad giving words life and personalities. In kindergarten we had a wedding for the letters Q and U, that in itself is a degree of power, giving letters genders. In this day and age how could we go to an alphabet wedding expecting their marriage to last? What made their chances any better than ours? Why should their love last when all around us marriages were falling apart? these were cases where words powers weren't acknowledged and they took revenge. To have and to hold until death do you part? Attack! Maybe we should burn stacks of notebook paper and number 2 pencils on the alter to words before weddings, to ensure that our words won't lie. Maybe someone should just care to say what they mean and mean what they say. Like some cheesy song. Billy Joel had it right when he sang a completely un-cheesy song with lyrics like..."Honesty is such a lonely word". If a word could be lonely...I think it would be honesty. Wouldn't you be if no one wanted to hear you? My father is an honest man and I always want to listen to him. So I think maybe he defeated the words. And maybe someday I will too...

Only 2 to Go

"Thanks Lord....only 2 more classes to Go!....and a few finals....give me strength to finish well!"

My God is Soooo Big

"who's in charge here?" Daniel 2:21 "He controls the course of world events; he removes kings and sets up other kings." I overheard a discussion yesterday at class...many complaints, anxieties...regarding the state of our union..."it" can be overwhelming ya know? Daniel thinks of how God is in command of all things, and how God is mightier than ______? Go ahead now, you fill in the ______!

"My God is so Big!....so Strong and so Mighty!....There's nothing My God cannot Do!"

"Help me Lord...to remember that when I pray...!"

Remember to Whom You Are Praying

"the Honor due His Name" Jeremiah 32:17 "Ah, Sovereign LORD, you have made the heavens and the earth by your great power and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for you." God gives us these stories & prayers as reminders...It's good when you start to pray, in your addressing of God, to sort of remind yourself of Who you're talking to. "Lord, there's nothing too hard for You." Remember that when you pray. I'm kind of ashamed to say, but I need this reminder...too often I just simply start in with my prayers, kind of like just rattlin' off my list if you will, never really truly giving it any deep thought or especially the respect God deserves. Take this prayer of Jeremiah, talk about a valuable one to study. Notice how he begins his prayer. "Oh Lord God, You've created everything, and there is nothing too hard for You." Oh, what a glorious way to begin a prayer. O Lord, help me to remember, to Who I am Praying...and help me to give to You, as 1 Chronicles 16:29 says... "ascribe to the LORD the glory due His name"

God's Timing is Perfect

"His timing" 1 Tim 6:17 "to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment" God knows my tendency to trust in me instead of in Him...too often, I trust in my job, ability, even money...when I feel panic, and start plotting...yesterday, at church we read of Jesus' feeding of the 5,000 Pastor Rob reminded me, God has resources that I know nothing about, so I can trust Him and be at peace even when we can’t figure out how He will provide.
"Help me Lord...I want to trust in You, forgive me, too often, I try trusting/plotting...in me"